When you feel lost..

Just ask your God.

Because I don't need Him to prove that He really exists, that He is real.
He does really exist and He is real for me.


My God, your God, their God. We talk the same thing, right?

Nurture your faith. Everything is going to be just fine in His hands.

Don't worry, He will take care of you, your family, and your loved ones. He has promised and He will make it for you.

God bless, everyone.

Be a person who always has something to be thankful for. In every little thing, you find His love.

Pure and kind. Feel it in your deepest heart. Feel it.

Saddest Days

December 1, 1994 and March 8, 2012 are the saddest days in my life.

My heart still ache in sadness until right now. And secret tears still flow every time I remember both of you. What it meant to lose you, I think no one will ever know the pain.

If my tears could build a stairway and memories lane, I would walk right up to heavenly Heaven and bring both of you home again, healthy and happy.

I will never forget your love, may the hurt will ease in time. And every time I missed you, a million tears I have cried. If love could have saved you, you never would have died.

I love you.

Grandma. Grandpa.

When I lost both of you, it is beyond any broken heart, failures or any misfortune in my life. This lost has left a deep whole in the bottom of my heart.

My lovely Grandparents, I love you with my whole life. And these words are for you..

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord

Please pick a bunch for me

Place them in my Grandparents' arms

And tell them they are from me.

Tell them I love them and miss them

And when they turn to smile,

Place a kiss upon their cheek

And hold them for a while.

Because remembering them is easy,

I do it everyday,

But there is an ache within my heart

That will never go away.

And I wish you both well in Heaven.

With love, hugs, and kisses,

Your Grand daughter

In remembrance of my Grandma's 40 days after death. 


RIP Utju Danudjaja (December 1, 1994)
RIP Maria Theresia Muljati Widjaja (March 8, 2012)

Nurture Your Positive Feelings

I was quoted Harold Coffin's statement that Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. 


Hi people, it's me again.

I have written on previous post about insignificant feeling and it is related to envy others. Nicely explained by Harold Coffin, I would like to tell more about the word envy itself and how you always feel like one after seeing other's great life.

Envy is a little tiny devil on your shoulder, always hovering on your head that whisper words into your ear, your soul and making our life seem so suffering, neglected, and much negativity. It irritates you. It distracts you from your real good life.

I write this post because I have experienced this. I envy to others.

Of course I could not get rid of this feeling in second. If we want to, at least we can minimize it in our life. So, we can live our life lightheartedly and much happier!

I also read and browsed several articles how to cope your negative feelings when it comes to envy feeling. The great one comes from Henrik and his Positivity Blog.

Focus on yourself when it comes to comparing.


Quite often we always make ourselves miserable because we're comparing what we have to others. It feeds your ego and pride when you buy Hermes bag, Europe trip, or get better job than someone else. You feel great for a while. But your mindset and the focus on comparing everything always winds up in you when you know someone else has more, much more than you. Someone has a better jewelry, someone has a newer car, someone has everything's good in life. And we start to stop being great or good anymore. Insignificant.

It is a great note that you only see what they choose to disclose. They are happy and also having their ego and pride to show their good life.

And you keep drowning in negativity.

A more useful way to compare is to just compare yourself to yourself. Look at how you have grown and what you have achieved so far. Appreciate what we have done and what we have right now. We should see how far we have come and what we are planning to do.

I believe it will make us more positive physically and emotionally. We will be stable since we are no longer comparing and feeling envious of what other people have that we haven't.

Be grateful and cheerful, find your own happiness.


On my previous posts, I often wrote about being grateful. Being grateful for what we have right now, for every penny, for every single family member, for your life, for your luck, for your bad experiences. It makes us stronger than ever. It makes us more mature.

It can be helpful to add a regular gratitude exercise to our life every morning when we wake up to minimize the envy. Take several minutes you need to focus on yourself and being grateful for all the things you got. What I do so far is making a list, write them down in a journal or tiny notes and put it on my "grateful jar".

Every morning.

I also pray in the very beginning of the day and the end of the day to always remind me that I am good today and lucky enough to still alive blissfully.

Develop a mentality that there's always a new chance.


Envy often seems to come from several areas in our life that lacking of something. Maybe we feel envious because someone else got a job that we always wanted, or because someone else got the opportunity that you had hoped for. Perhaps we are feeling envious because we are afraid of losing something and feel that if we do then we have hit rock bottom.

Focusing our mind on the scarcity can really screw our minds, thoughts, feelings and life. We will live in so much negativity, poor emotions that is unreasonable. If we get stuck in the envy, we feed them with more thoughts and emotional energy.

It's tiring.

Thus, we need to focus on the opportunities and new chances. There are always new business opportunities to find, new tests in school to take, new people to date/make friends with, new job out there. This way of thinking relieves us from our burden and pressure because we feel like an utter failure just because we stumbled and things did not work out this time.

We should keep our focus  steadily on the opportunities. We can learn from our failures as best as we can be. I know for sure it is quite hard to do day by day but it is even harder in the long run to live a life where we don't keep that positive focus.

We should nurture our good feelings.


Get a life.


If we sit on our sofa and not having enough to do then it is very easy to feel stuck in thought loops and to go into a downward spiral. More drama. Simply filling our life with the activities that you like most, with more fun activities and you won't have a time or a reason to be envious.

Other benefits of getting a life are that we become a lot more relaxed and less prone to overreacting about the little things.

As may you aware of that I am an introverted person, I have my own happiness-seeking activities. I read lots of books, I write, I play piano, I share my life story with the closest ones, I make handicraft, I decor my home, I travel, I sew, etc.. I love being busy with my own preference activities.

So, spend less time analyzing our life :P and more time living and exploring it in whatever way we'd like.

Cheers for a happier life!

Love,
Kate.

PS: I got the picture from here. Thanks~

Insignificant

On a bright sunny Monday, one of my closest colleagues dropped a message on office-comm, it is a sort of office chat platform. (S)he said that one of our newbie colleagues will resign soon. I was curious and asked why is it so fast? Why people seem to have their goal and decide to resign while I am stuck in here?

To make it short, I know that she, yes she is a she, got a full scholarship for two years studying in Europe. She got Erasmus Mundus scholarship, to be clear. I am amazed, how talented and how lucky she is! Studying in Europe is like everyone's dream (I assume). So when I hear about the good news, I feel like awe-ing something.

I have heard such good news like this.

My best friends got scholarship to Europe, Korea, USA, and so forth.
She got married with a foreigner and live in UK now.
He continues his master degree in Australia.
Another one just had her 2 months unpaid-leave to go to Europe and New York.
Sort of.

While one of my friend said to me not longer after the good news, "I feel so insignificant compared to their life story"

Oh yes me too, darling :)

But from my humble experiences, we usually tend to force ourselves to think more about what we should do more and more and more because we see others with their fabulous life traveling around the world and having their great life.

We want to be like them. We should be like them.

A little part of my body and soul, I want to be like them, I should be like them, I need to be like them. 


But that is not the point.

A huge part of my body and soul always reminds me that we should be grateful for what we have in this moment of life. God created us in different purposes. God created us in different meanings. They might be destined to be like that and we have ours :)

We might be destined like them too, to be a traveler or something, but maybe we have our own different time. Maybe not today, maybe not in several months ahead, maybe 2 years later.

I am a full time research executive in the best PR Agency in the world yet I am a piano teacher of my own music school every weekend. I have a plan to marry with a man that have been walking with me since three years ago. I have a plan to buy a house and start my own business with him. I have a plan to develop my own piano school.

Oh we talk about everything. But how if one day God (or Universe or everything you may believe) says that I should go to Singapore for a scholarship in prestigious university that I can't even resist?

So, keep calm, people :)

Don't rush your self to have a sudden plan to have a life like others. We usually tend to be dragged in negative feelings. We are prone to feel insignificant.

What I am doing right now is living my life to the fullest, I know there are complains here and there, we are tired, we have so many challenging obstacles to face in this life, we want to live in someone else's life and so forth. But that is how we manage it, right? We have well-developed brain, better to use it.

Yet, others want to have a life like ours, maybe we just don't realize it.

I have my own faith to God, I don't push you to believe any God in this Universe, it's your choice. But for me, I believe that God has a very good plan for me, my family, and my surroundings.

Dan itu baik adanya. Semua itu baik adanya.

The Almighty God never fail us. One thing for sure.
And put away those insignificant feelings :) You are all great in front of Him.

PS: Below is a very good song to be listened with your burdened heart.



The picture is taken from here.
Thanks for the owner.

Being Introvert: My World Through Typing

There are certain situations that I am not comfortable enough to talk. People communicate in different ways, mine through typing.

I choose to text instead of phone calls. I am not comfortable to talk through phone. I have spent enough energy to talk in person with others, so I try to calm myself down by only texting and be response-less by not picking up my phone as often as I should be. I usually don't receive phone calls, except from the important ones; my family, my boss, my boyfriend, my only closest yet best friends.

When I pick up the phone, I always get nervous. I feel blank and experience sudden foolishness. Sometimes I don't know what to talk and run out of ideas or topics. It would be an awkward moment when there's a long pause because there's no word come out from my mouth.

It explains much when texting is popular because in an overly extroverted society, everyone craves asynchronyous, non-F2F communication, like Susan Cain's manifesto has been written quite well. I wish I could tell people or the whole wide world that I am not good at phone calls. I really want to tell people for not calling me because I will not call you. Please do text me, because I will text you back as a quick response. I do email, I text, I drop messages on Facebook, I do WhatsApp, I will do everything that involves typing and put my self in a very low quota of talking.

If I push my self too hard talking to people in a very long time or I should call people that I don't know personally, you may find me with my migraine in minutes. I am depressed and I run out of energy.

Sadly, maybe I just need to work in a place that doesn't involve phone calls and talking too much like in this PR Agency where I am working now. I got to be honest and I am sorry for telling the truth.

Soon or later, I will find a new job or my own business.

Meanwhile, tahan-tahanin aja.

My Mantra

I am not a garbage truck.
I don't want you to be a garbage truck.

I don't take them personally,
I just smile,
I wave,
I wish them well,
and I move on.

And I don't spread garbage truck to others.
I am not a garbage truck.

I don't accept garbage truck in my life.

Weird

It sounds weird.
I have been very busy recently and overwhelmed by everything especially work.

But,
I enjoy it.

How come?
I enjoy every single day and suddenly I find my strength that I am good enough to handle all of these things, that I am capable enough to tackle these obstacles.

Never knew could be this strong. I am definitely a fighter, and I thank You, God.

Keep Calm

... and trust a few

For an introverted like me, you won't easily get a lifetime ally.

Once get scratched, it doesn't easily come back.

On This Lovely Sunday Morning..

I woke up with questions..

Why do people lie and cross the boundary? Put their meaningless pleasure in the first place and someone just got light-heartattacked-moments over the years.

And I forgot to tell you guys, I am such an elephant with crystal clear memories. I do still remember that kind of hatred. Oh that kind of tears.

Don't you guys have a good heart? At least make someone or some people who you love most, feel secure.

It's not about my insecurity, it's because you can't behave.

It's not because I am not an open minded person, it's because you and your mind are too shallow to understand.

I do really pray, may God leads people to the right path.

I do really pray, may God leads people to be with their real other half who really understood what are another's wants and needs because the word "love" itself is too overrated and should not be mentioned in this early stage.

I hope you understand.

Because sometimes, yes sometimes, I just want to runaway from those days back then.

Burdened, sad, and disappointed.

And I usually don't talk to the people who make the mistakes over and over again, but I don't know why should be different with this kind of person, I did second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, ... chances.

I am just afraid that one day, I commit to stop giving chances.

And that would be bad.

Really bad.

I really don't know where I am going.

Ignored by God

Many people tell me: “I often feel that I am ignored by God.Why is it so hard to establish a dialogue with the Divine?”

On one hand we know that it is important to seek God.
On the other hand, life distances us from Him/Her – because we feel ignored by the Divine, or else because we are busy with our daily life.
This makes us feel very guilty: either we feel that we are renouncing life too much because of God, or else we feel that we are renouncing God too much because of life.
This apparent double law is a fantasy: God is in life, and life is in God.
If we manage to penetrate the sacred harmony of our daily existence, we shall always be on the right road, because our daily tasks are also our divine tasks.

When you feel this, just recite in the silence of your heart a beautiful prayer by Thomas Merton:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

[I took it from Paulo Coelho's blog]