See you again

My husband is an engineer and he travels a lot due to his job. 

This morning, he should catch a flight to the neighbor country for two weeks. I consider myself lucky when the ratio is only between two weeks to a month, compared to other engineers that can take months. 

However, it is still hurt sending him off for a period of time. But, I hope he knows that I always support him in whatever positive things he does. My prayers and thoughts are always with him, so God will guide him safe and sound. 

I think that is all that I'd like to share, I got a lot of house chores to do :)

Talk to you soon. 

Let it go

Let it go. Whatever it is that you wake up thinking about. Whatever feeling you get when you see their face, just let it go. What’s good is good and what’s bad is bad and the world isn’t as grey as we make it seem when everything falls apart. We mix the good and the bad, but that’s not how it works. People love you or they don’t. And when they don’t, just let it go. Things go smoothly or terribly wrong. And when it makes you sad, let it go. 

Marriage life

I felt only what I had always felt in his presence - love and aching awe and gratitude for him. 

:)

Practicing to be always in "present"

My life is my practice. My spiritual practice does not occur someplace other than in my life right now and my life is nowhere other than where I am.

I am looking for answers, insights and wisdom that I already possess. I will live my life in front of me, be the life I am and see what I can find out for my own self.

Moving Day!

Moving is a bonding experience, to say the least. The whole process has been a headache, at times, but I think, Yonas and I really enjoyed it. From all the jokes that burst out into teary laughs and the stressful moment assembling the furniture and the choices of different colors. I can't imagine doing any of this with anyone else but him. Life is really, really fun when you marry your best friend. All is right.

Bless this house as we come and go
Bless this house as the children grow
Bless our families when they gather in
Bless this house with love and friends

Thankful for this life. Eager to see how this new chapter in our love story unfolds.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" - James 1:17

He will make it better

I remember when I first fell in love with my husband now; it was a very scary feeling, as I had managed to elude love, hatred and in between for the entirety of my life before him. I specifically remember the transition from when I felt so empty and did not believe the word love itself and when I began to love him.

He went from being someone who made me smile, laugh to being the greatest catalyst of happiness and joy in my life. He went from a cool looking guy (oh yes, he's an engineer *wink) to the most important person in my life. He went from my crush to the love of my life.

You may experience love differently and the word "love" itself is extremely subjective, but I say for certain that anyone who's experienced it knows it is the best feeling ever and it is hard to remember how I lived without him.

He is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I go to sleep. When something good happens to me, he is the first person I want to tell and when something bad happens to me, I look to him for his support.

He is now my husband and he has some imperfections. But to me, it means that he's unique and I love his imperfections. When I tease him, he thinks I am making fun of him, but I am truly just admiring him. I accept his faults.

So do I. I have so much room for improvement. Being in love will force me to work on these things. I want to be the best version of myself for the person I love. I am better person now than I was before I met him.

And finally, after all of these long journeys. I married my best friend. I feel like, together, I can take on the world. As Childish Gambino said, "When I'm alone, I'd rather be with you." Seeing my husband is always the highlight of my day and I never truly get tired of him. No matter how great my day might be going, my husband will make it better.

:)

Let it will serve you the revenge that you deserve

Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve. 

I Found This Letter For You!

By the time you read this, he's already become my husband and I just wanna share with you the letter for him, a night before the holy matrimony. 

---------------

Dear Yonas,

This isn’t the first letter I’ve written for you, I remember I made those handmade cards when I was still in Singapore while you were in Jakarta. This may be the first one I’m sharing the letter to others, but I want you to know I’ve been thinking of you for some time now. Years ago I always thought that I would never find someone and I’d be totally bummed out, writing this letter as I sat on my backyard porch crying salty tears into a liter of cheap red wine.

I wondered what you’d look like, the things we’d do, the places we’d go. I wrote to you in my head. I wanted you to know me, the me before you, the me before we became an us. I thought that was important and I think the people we are before we become an us is irrelevant. Having said that, I don’t mean it is unimportant, because the people we were and the choices we made, both good and bad, are what brought us to each other.

I understand now that the important factor is the person who we are now, the person we will be in the future. In not-so-distant future, you will be my husband (That word husband makes my heart swells – in a good way). Honestly, writing this letter feels slightly awkward, too many mixed-feelings.

You are the realist and I am a control freak, hippie-food-eating, traveler-wannabe, sort of woman who’s learned to hold tight everything but apparent security and.. and always has a confused half-frown face questioning everything while holding my cup of tea. But I’m going to jump in your shoes and as much as my purplish-colored glasses would want to believe, I know that marriage won’t always be easy. You mention, we will have our ups and downs; perfect moments and our trying moments. I know that throughout our life together we will be faced with situations we might now have faced before (like consuming Primolut N – Jesus! I’m scared).  I know there will be situations where we might not like about decisions or actions the other person chooses. I can accept this. I figure instead of being anxious about it, I might as well embrace it.

As I acknowledge these things, I want you to know the most important thing, no matter what happens in our life, I will always aim to be the kindest wife, best friend, and most caring partner as possible as I can be. I can’t promise you that I will always be kind. I can’t promise you that I will always be patient and never sulk. I can’t promise you that I’ll never say things I don’t truly mean. However, I can promise you that I will always try to put my love for you before any other emotions. I can promise you to always put our family first. Last, I want you to know that no matter what our future has for us, I will show up every day ready to take on our life together.

You give me real love, real fulfillment, the thing that isn’t the way it looks in the movies. When I was desperately incomplete and unhappy, you came into my life and magically make my life whole and I’m like - Tom Cruise jumping on the couch - excited to face the world with you! (while having my diamond rock on my right hand, two charming young Chinese Ralph Lauren model-looking kids and will be living in the suburbs with a pug and new Volkswagen beetle - kiddin! hmm no, I mean it!).

I love you with all of my heart,

Kate

Reminder ❤️

A beautiful reminder that it's a new beginning ❤️

Picture is taken from here.

Forgive Me

Please forgive me if I don't talk that much, it's loud enough in my head.

It's been awhile since the last period of time I was intensely writing everything. There's a lot in my plate and I need to focus both on my work and my wedding prep.

All I can say is wish me luck :) I'm excited yet nervous knowing that I'm getting married next month!

Know Better

She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying.
She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying.

What my Mom has told me

Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty". 

...

I feel so drained out.. like living in a sucking-soul pit, pitying myself as I envy those who love what they're doing so they don't need to escape..

mungkin karena laper aja jadi sensitif.. 

But I feel I nearly reach the bottom, everything is already in its peak.. 

Hope I still have enough faith.. 

Good night!

Spin again

She was lost and did not know what to think anymore.
Her world stopped and crashed.
Until he walked in, unaware that he would be the reason her world would slowly start to spin again.

He puts a really big smile to my face and my heart :))

He surprised me by sending a bouquet of soft pink roses to my office today. 

Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy.

Thank you for the loving me and receiving my love in return.

Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. 

But most of all, thank you for showing me how true love is.

I love you much, Yonas.