Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Very Last Day of 2011

I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning, I have tried to go back sleeping but I simply can't close my eyes. After more than 20 minutes lost in my mind, I began to realize that this is the last day of 2011. I checked my Twitter and Facebook timeline from mobile. As it can be seen, almost all of my friends shared their resolution of 2012. What they want to achieve, what their dreams are, every word shows their ambitiousness which I think that, oh well that is possible, that is impossible, that one you may forget it, and so forth. So basically, I judge their dreams. Bad me. But heck, those are their dreams and their life. People should have any resolution or what do you expect from life without planning?

That is why I came up with my own thought. Do I really have resolutions for next year? Why others could be so ambitious and have their plans? Why can I be so blank? I have thought about my resolutions for almost a month right now, I started it in early December. But I got nothing.

Maybe life tells me to calm down.
Maybe life tells me to break a leg.
Maybe life tells me to settle my heart.

2011 is the saddest year in my 24-years-old life. Too many incidents and accidents happened in this year. In the beginning 6-months,  I failed to continue my master degree, I received only a half for my scholarship to the Netherlands which I cannot afford the rest of the cost by myself. I cried.

The next 6-months were more horrible. I got severe broken heart which I cannot explain in here because it is too private to be told. Let me keep it in my deepest heart and slowly move on. It destroys me. My heart turns into small pieces that I cannot put it back in a short time. I am sorry.

Moreover, 3-months after I got my heart broken. I had a car accident in a highway. I have to be honest that on that day I was feeling not well because of too many poignant feelings and heavy thinkings. I was going home to my hometown in my work day, got a permission from my Boss to go home earlier, then I cried driving back home. Pitying myself. And I got car accident. I got hit by other car in a very high speed. My car was stirred twice and I stranded far away from highway.

If we want to jump out to the years before 2011, I always make a plan. I love to plan. I am a good planner. And I got what I want. I was superb. I am not ambitious, but I always have a good luck.

In all of my unfortunate events, it doesn't mean that I want to sue God. No. It gives me valuable learnings on how to let it go, on how to forgive, on how to recover.

God teach me in a very unique way. I feel like I am more mature. My mind is open wider and wiser. Thus, I thank God for these unfortunate events.

Still, I don't have any resolutions for 2012. I don't prepare it. Let it now go smoothly and we will see what God's good plans on me. However, everything gets better day by day.

Things that I have to always remember;

Always rely your burdens to God by praying.
Keep being grateful.
Move on.
Positive thinking.
Put your effort to the fullest.
Simply be happy each day.

For once, I let my good luck guides me through the years.
For once, I rely everything on God.

Be nice 2012 as I always be.

The picture is taken from here. Thanks much!