Even if it's a past, it doesn't mean that I can forget, I may forgive. I can get along to cure my heart, but it doesn't mean I can be put up into a whole person again, utuh lagi.
Since then, I see everything in a different perspectives. I can be more empathetic to others, especially the ones who experienced the same worst experience like me.
And it is not a matter of being "drama queen". It is simply worst experience that even people talk about it in front of me or for the sake just to tease me, you can feel your heart becomes empty again. It terribly hurts.
So recently I feel like I am in a bottom phase. I am physically and mentally unstable. I am so tired with my dissertation and I feel like I can kill people just to make them stay away from me. Physical fatigue can lead me to be more sensitive and somehow I express my sensitiveness with stay silent and don't expect any long sentences or spirited words come out from my mouth again.
As I keep silent, people somehow don't know what the hell has happened with me because I prefer to keep it for myself and I think I can deal with it. Just give me some time to think in silence.
Some people are simply *beep* for not being considerate or talk non-sense.
Some people are simply just want to tease me to cheer me up (perhaps) but end up push my button until I feel become more insecure, because it's related to my past.
Meanwhile on my side,
I need to deal with my physical fatigue and day-to-day assignments.
I need to deal with roller coaster mood.
I need to deal with insecurity in relationship.
There's a lot in my head. So please people, if you are kind enough. Don't put me in with the non-sense things that can lead me to get more headaches and feel insecured.
Just be kind and be empathetic too for people who are not convenient enough (or introvert like me) to tell their personal problems in front of your face. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
I feel drained.
*sigh
