Monday, November 3, 2014

I Found This Letter For You!

By the time you read this, he's already become my husband and I just wanna share with you the letter for him, a night before the holy matrimony. 


Dear Yonas,

This isn’t the first letter I’ve written for you, I remember I made those handmade cards when I was still in Singapore while you were in Jakarta. This may be the first one I’m sharing the letter to others, but I want you to know I’ve been thinking of you for some time now. Years ago I always thought that I would never find someone and I’d be totally bummed out, writing this letter as I sat on my backyard porch crying salty tears into a liter of cheap red wine.

I wondered what you’d look like, the things we’d do, the places we’d go. I wrote to you in my head. I wanted you to know me, the me before you, the me before we became an us. I thought that was important and I think the people we are before we become an us is irrelevant. Having said that, I don’t mean it is unimportant, because the people we were and the choices we made, both good and bad, are what brought us to each other.

I understand now that the important factor is the person who we are now, the person we will be in the future. In not-so-distant future, you will be my husband (That word husband makes my heart swells – in a good way). Honestly, writing this letter feels slightly awkward, too many mixed-feelings.

You are the realist and I am a control freak, hippie-food-eating, traveler-wannabe, sort of woman who’s learned to hold tight everything but apparent security and.. and always has a confused half-frown face questioning everything while holding my cup of tea. But I’m going to jump in your shoes and as much as my purplish-colored glasses would want to believe, I know that marriage won’t always be easy. You mention, we will have our ups and downs; perfect moments and our trying moments. I know that throughout our life together we will be faced with situations we might now have faced before (like consuming Primolut N – Jesus! I’m scared).  I know there will be situations where we might not like about decisions or actions the other person chooses. I can accept this. I figure instead of being anxious about it, I might as well embrace it.

As I acknowledge these things, I want you to know the most important thing, no matter what happens in our life, I will always aim to be the kindest wife, best friend, and most caring partner as possible as I can be. I can’t promise you that I will always be kind. I can’t promise you that I will always be patient and never sulk. I can’t promise you that I’ll never say things I don’t truly mean. However, I can promise you that I will always try to put my love for you before any other emotions. I can promise you to always put our family first. Last, I want you to know that no matter what our future has for us, I will show up every day ready to take on our life together.

You give me real love, real fulfillment, the thing that isn’t the way it looks in the movies. When I was desperately incomplete and unhappy, you came into my life and magically make my life whole and I’m like - Tom Cruise jumping on the couch - excited to face the world with you! (while having my diamond rock on my right hand, two charming young Chinese Ralph Lauren model-looking kids and will be living in the suburbs with a pug and new Volkswagen beetle - kiddin! hmm no, I mean it!).

I love you with all of my heart,