Monday, January 16, 2012

Introverts Love Extroverts? How Is It Going To Work?

For some people, a relationship is the most important component of their life. Research proves that a lasting, happy loving friendship is actually one of the most important, if not the most important key to individual happiness. Some people know and realize that this is very important and at some point most of the singles sooner or later are again looking for a new partner. Introverts admittedly often hesitate longer than extroverts. For one that is because they can deal better with being alone and therefore value the advantage of being single more than extroverts. Apart from that, for them it is difficult to approach other people, and that is naturally the basic prerequisite when one is looking for a new partner.

After having been alone for awhile, many introverts have real problems deliberately embarking on looking for a partner. Sometimes that is truly not even necessary. If they are lucky they have a nice friend or colleague in their life, who drags them along to some events and introduces them to some eligible person like I had when I was in high school and university.

While extroverts carry their heart on the tip of their tongue and the entire world is well-informed about their current emotionally state, most of the time introverts hide their innermost thoughts and feelings to the point that even good friends often don't even suspect that they could possibly be ready for a new relationship. Some books said to the introverts who seek their love that when you are ready and you can at least imagine being ready for a new relationship, and you should talk about it! In that way you provide the people around you with an opportunity to help you. You may discomfort talking about this, but based on the book that I read, you should. Talk.

Moreover, for the introverts, the usual ideal approach is probably the more indirect means to look for a partner by way of common interests and activities. Making contact is naturally much easier, if one regularly meets with people with whom one is already connected by a common interest in a certain subject. I feel a lot easier talking with the people who connect with me. How I wish I meet someone who has common conversational topic and along with that comes the same wavelength. It makes me feel comfortable.

Introvert Loves Extrovert, Is That Going To Work?

At every party one meets two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who want to stay. The problem is that those two are generally married to each other
- Ann Landers

This quote describes a typical situation proving the truth of the much quoted folk wisdom: Opposite attract. One very frequently meets couples where one of the partners is extrovert. However the other one is introverted. Motor mouth and the still water, the party lion/lioness and by his/her side the lone wolf. If nothing else, it is their difference that initially caused the mutual fascination and people start to say to me: How exciting, you are so totally different! You embody the traits where I am lacking, I would love to have more of them to add a new element to my life! I am enchanted!

Non sense.

It is hard to love extroverts.

However (again), a lot of good can come of such a dichotomy if the partners know how to deal with it. They can open new worlds for each other, complement and expand the other's perspective and maybe even discover and cultivate totally new facets about themselves.

By the side of the lone wolf or the party lion/lioness may well suddenly discover the wonderful experience of a cozy evening in front of the fireplace together and how much he/she appreciates a meaningful conversation instead of all that small talk. On the other hand by his/her side, the still water may just have the nerve to join other people, occasionally be at the center of activities and be surprised that he/she even finds it to be enjoyable in a small doses. As long as it works, great!

However, due to their different behavior and needs, unfortunately after a while the differences between extroverts and introverts in every day life are often the cause of friction. After a while the extrovert becomes frustrated because he/she has to laboriously convince his/her introverted partner to join him/her in every social activity. While for the introvert it is exhausting having to participate longer and more frequently for his/her partner's sake in stressful situations and ending up with stimulus overload in return. The extrovert begins to wonder if he/she should not get him/herself an oyster knife to crack the introverted partner and get him/her to open up a little more frequently and a little less frequently retreat within him/herself. On the other hand, with the extrovert's never ending efforts to continuously maintain contact by chatting in every waking minute about everything and nothing to others, the introvert sometimes feel like hounded deer.

They said that for couples like that, it is extremely important to appreciate their differences in this dimension of their personalities and importantly, not to see them as reluctance or a slight by the other. The stages of extrovert and introvert can already be detected in the newborn and therefore it can rightfully be assumed that this involves an innate character trait that can't be helped just like the color of the eyes or hair. Since we are rational human beings, however, capable of learning and not mere puppets of our genetic predisposition, up to a certain point those traits can also be changed. If necessary, even an introvert is capable of learning to speak before a large group without fainting, just as an extrovert is certainly capable to practice in occasionally keeping his/her mouth shut and paying attention.

It is often not a bad idea to pay a little attention and cultivate particularly those traits, which may not be as strongly pronounced by nature than those that come naturally. Nevertheless, it is important to understand and admit that these attempts at changing face certain limits. Under certain circumstances and when it makes senses to him/her an introvert may be able to learn being the center of attention but he/she will never savor it as much as the extrovert, while an extrovert can also learn practicing to occasionally enjoy being alone or even be the listener for an entire evening, but to a certain degree these things are always going to be stressful because they go against his/her nature. 

Reference: IpersonicIntrovertzonePsychologytoday
For the picture, hmm, I forget where I took it, but it was from Pinterest.
However, credit to the owner. Thanks much.