When I spent my time alone, only my heart, my soul, and my brain. I took a moment that I feel so grateful of this life. If you notice, each day you say "thank you" to God/universe/you mention/whatever you believe, the unexpected and beautiful blessings will come soon.
And if the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. You just feel enough without being poor, instead, you are given loads of happiness of every little thing and every big moment.
This is just the form of my gratitude that I love You God for everything. If the concept of God is too absurd for you, do accept it as I love my life as I have been through it alone with all the ups and downs, and I am grateful for my strength.
So I never know that talking to the strangers could be this fun. I always have a barrier to others who I barely don't know from school, office, or relatives. Quite sad. So I decide to talk to the strangers. I have been browsing lately that one of the easiest ways to improve my shyness, networking ability, and invigorate my social life (yes, I am introvert, can I remind you?) is to develop my skill talking to the strangers.
I am trained since I was a kid to fear strangers (which is very good for safety reasons) but most people carry this fear into adulthood (yes, I am) where it does more harm than good. I get stuck in a box, only open to creating new relationships through people I already know. This may works but somehow I feel that it limits me to meeting people who are generally like me.
And now I face the fact I gotta move abroad to Singapore for good. I will be in a new area and I don't have many friends there, the fear of talking to strangers is absolutely crippling. So, I learn to talk to the strangers. Fortunately, once I get started, the excitement it brings encourages me to keep going to talk. Though I am an introvert, I believe that most people are friendly and perfectly open to conversing with you. I just need my courage to talk. I also believe that each person is an incredible learning opportunity. How they talk about themselves, how they treat you, how they think about you, how they give objective opinions, how they live the days, and how they interact with the world.
There is a lot that I can learn from someone stranger.
So, I talked to this person. It feels so hard at first, I was so careful talking with this stranger. It make me nervous and awkward, but the more I do it the smoother I get it. I am naturally reserved person, I probably don't know what to say. All I can do is giving comment on something, telling them what I think, and stay positive and most likely they will be happy to chat with you.
I never take everything personally, if they make a joke or decent joke pops into my head, I just say it and it is fun.
I never knew that as a shy person, I can talk to the stranger like this.
Well, at least I try to improve my social skill :)
I read those bunch of articles saying that being introvert is a bad thing. A lot of people seem to think so, judging by the number of articles about how to "cure" introversion. In response to these articles, I took a reference from Pick The Brain; why introverts should to strike back! The writings argued that:
Introverts can't become extraverts They shouldn't particularly want to
Let us get clear the main topic what we are talking about. According to the MBTI, introverts get their energy from the internal world of ideas and images, and they feel drained if they spend too much time with people. On the other hand, extraverts (no, I am not typo, because according to MBTI, that IS the correct spelling as used in it, extrAverts) get their energy from the external world of people and things, and if they spend too much time alone, they'll go crazy. It really has nothing to do with social skills. Kindly note that.
At first you may choose whether you prefer the internal world or the external world, but the preferences is fixed. You can force yourself to act out of your element, but an introvert can't become an extravert and vice versa. I doubt tips like "say hi to mooooreeeee people"will do the trick.
Introversion certainly has its advantages. For example, introverts make up a slight majority of the upper levels of government, the military, and the corporate world, despite being only 30% of the population. I am not here to debate whether it's better to be an introvert or an extravert. It's not the main point. The fact is we should interact with both types every day. Regardless of which type we are, we can improve our relationship to everyone by learning to get along better with people of the other type. We learn. Always.
When an extravert sees the introverts reading, writing, or maybe just thinking, they might assume that the only reason you would do this is because you don't have someone to talk to. So they think they're doing you a favor by striking up a conversation, when they're actually interrupting. YES, they're interrupting. To prevent this, I always make sure to give indication that I'm in the middle of something and aren't looking for socialization right now :) e.g. close the door or verbal sign by saying sorry I'm in this thing to get done. Just be frank and say, "If I don't make eye contact or respond to you, I apologize. I'm not trying to be rude, I just have a lot of things to do. Thank you for your understanding. We can talk later."
However, as great as our internal world is, don't forget that external world is also good in moderation. Be sure to set aside some time to spend with other people, and take advantage of social opportunities that present themselves to you. And, when you're around other people, make yourself fun to be with! You can re-charge your energy later on. Don't worry.
I hate the noise of my mobile phone at first, when it came to "beep..beep..beep..beep..beep.." constantly, my head was like pounded over and over. That's why I turn off all the notification on my iPhone but I check it regularly for any messages that come.
I hate the noise when people calling me "te..te..te..te..te..te..kate..te..te..te..kate.." constantly, my head was like banged onto the wall. That's why I answer quickly when someone calls me to avoid the annoying noise or simply plug the ear phone and pretend I don't hear any.
I hate the noise when all of office telephones at several rooms ringing together "kriing..kriing..kriing..kriing..kriing.." constantly, my head was hurt. That's why I go out to the front office every morning around 8am to avoid the noises.
I hate the noise of my morning alarm "tet..tet..tet..tet..tet..tet..tet.." constantly, it could lead to a severe migraine for the whole day. That's why I changed my alarm noise with calming song.
It is the condition which is characterized by an extreme sensitivity to noise. I suffer a variety of stress and anxiety related emotions when I am exposed to certain types of noises. These emotions can range from a general sense of uneasiness to aggression. Living with noise anxiety can be extremely frustrating and the condition can be difficult to treat. My Councillor said that it should be assisted by skilled therapist, but I don't choose that. I choose to avoid it if it's still possible. I am not that extreme though.
I have written in this blog that I hate loud noises, I can't stand when children were crying loudly. My Councillor said that I am probably phonophobia; a fear of loud noises. A condition sometimes called misophonia; an intolerance to certain sounds, usually causing an intense reaction like rage. Hyperacusis; which can have many causes, is an over-sensitivity to noises in a certain auditory range, sometimes causing pain or stress.
There was a time when I heard my friends' loud mobile phone ringtone, I cried. I suddenly did cry with my both hands covered my ears.
It does not mean I am not normal. I believe several introverts are with me right now, feeling the same. So far, what I do to handle this is, just avoid loud places, answer quickly when someone calls me, turn off the notification on mobile phone while keep checking it regularly for the important messages, bring ear phone and iPod/iPhone everywhere to escape myself with calming songs. There's always first time to experience those painful noises, however, I know we are that smart to avoid everything we don't like and we can't adapt of.
In Christ alone, my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This cornerstone, this solid ground Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My comforter, my all-in-all Here in the love of Christ I stand
There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain Then bursting forth in glorious day Up from the grave He rose again And as He stands in victory Sin's curse has lost its grip on me For I am His and He is mine Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death This is the power of Christ in me From life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny No power of hell, no scheme of man Can ever pluck me from His hand Till He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I'll stand Till He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I'll stand Here in the power of Christ I'll stand
The world has never been as divided as it is now, things only look absurd as we head into the future.
You're born with heart and brain.
Use your heart when your brain takes control and use your brain when your heart takes control.
Everything has its portion. You may say you're the center of peace, then why don't you respect others' wants and needs?
How if those people want to listen to the music that you don't like, should you behead them?
How if those people want to wear casual suits (not even sexy look) that you don't like, should you burn them?
How if those people want to eat food that you don't like, should you stone them?
Please do accept the differences. We are not alone in this enormous universe.
So basically I try to change my personality. I want to be more extrovert but I feel so exhausted mentally and physically. Hurl jokes, talk to many people, get in touch with strangers. Dementor in true life. I know I have a quiet, inner strength. I believe that I can survive in an extrovert's world by staying "inside".
Shy, quiet, dreamy introvert who avoids the extrovert's world of parties, bars and clubs, drama groups and social sidelines of sport clubs or the office. Yes, that's the true me, but I am not being fake when I am in real life. I socialize. I do socialize. But I am easily get tired, not like the extroverts who get their true strength by staying with people, I need my me-time. I need to recharge. I don't talk on phone, it doesn't mean that I can't, but I avoid direct interaction. I am not passive entities, I just have different perspectives about everything, and a different approach to the world.
What I do for surviving in this extrovert's world, I find my strength in a very small group of best friends. It is an intimate strength.
I am a very good listener while all the extroverts loves to be the center of attention of the chat group, barely hearing or responding to others, I listen and learn. I am observer from afar. If you want someone to compare a range of opinions and offer a philosophical interpretation of the meaning of life, ask me. I can explain you the whole night. I don't like people amaze and develop surprising respect for the "mousy" being at me. Here lies the strengths of selflessness and patient consideration.
I am a quiet achiever, as an introvert, of course, while the extrovert is busy advertising all the wonderful effort he/she has done, the introverts are probably already doing the job. When something needs to be done, I prefer to spend my self alone without talking, put my ear phone listening to classical music and just do it. They say, many geniuses, in the fields of art and research science, in particular, are introverts but it's not about one group only, I believe it's just an opinion from certain people that we are introverted persons are the geniuses. However, I believe loads of extroverts are geniuses with their ability to talk, to express, to think. It's just not fair to raise up the word "genius" for one particular personal characteristic.
And yet, I feel it in myself, in an emergency, when a life may be threatened, you may be surprised that the quick-thinking response may just come from an introvert.
In fashion, I am a subtle dresser. Loud colors, sensual lines, and out of space styles are not mine, I believe it's not all the introverts' too. I prefer to be known for my inner good, thus it may take a little time and perhaps patience to really get to know an introvert.
I am a home person. I love to stay at home. I don't like clubbing. Home is introvert's spiritual space and sanctuary.
In home-decorating, I love neutral tones, it's graceful for me, but there may be a display of ancient African statuettes or modern art pieces or wall to wall full of books on a huge range of topics. Maybe there's a nook for me to read the books. Candles and oil burners are everywhere, flowers, chic things. A zen garden may grace my home. Oh, here is the heart of my introvert kingdom, the source of my strength in an extrovert world.
Many friends said to me that I am the powerful presence in the social world. I refuse it but somehow I admit it. They call this is the power of the quiet ones.
You may search a song called "Shy", played by a young guitarist, Kieran Murphy. There is a soft strength in the flow of the music. Kieran is a quiet achiever. He explained this amazing string of awards and touring commitments beyond Australia simply and quietly, no grand-standing. It just happened.
Hmm I think I just hurt my new friend's feeling by forcing her/him to disclose about her/his personal poignant moment.
I am sorry :(
I should not say anything though. Stupid me.
Last night, when I was alone in my square, I remember both of you.
I think about you all the time and everyday it's getting hurt to cry.
So many things happened in my life since you've passed away,
I am not so sure how hard to try and struggle by my own.
I feel alone and tears were falling,
In the same time, I laugh but I cry deep down inside.
My heart hurts everyday.
I think about your beautiful smile and kind hugs,
That I pray to see you someday, even in a shortest dream.
The sweet smell of your perfume has slowly faded away
But all of your helpful teachings and wise words are always in my heart to stay.
Since the day you passed away, I never have a courage to come to your room.
It hurts to the very core.
I can't express how much I love you both,
I can't explain.
I am a woman without words.
I can only remember you and my love is pure.
So many hearts were broken, mine is the worst.
The day God called you home.
It seems as thought each one of us were left to survive alone.
I know there must be a reason that you had to leave.
To keep us in your watchful eyes, so now in God I really do believe.
Take care there, I wish you both were with me when I am living my life in a full bloom.
I miss you.
I do really miss you.
If you had been eyeing on my blog since years ago, you probably know that I once have a will to continue my study in Communication. Thus, here I am, accepted at Wee Kim Wee School of Communication Nanyang Technological University, Singapore with the first honor as one of ASEAN grantees.
This is just a pursuit of my humble dream of progressive discovery of my ignorance. I believe this could be a very good step for me and my future. Though, it's not a main point of my personal pursuance. This could enrich my real life experience so far and arm me with good knowledge to help me face the obstacles with wider and wiser mind.
However, I always believe, an investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
When someone you love most dies, and you are not expecting it, you thought she was just fine.
When someone you love most dies, you don't lose her all at once, you lose her piece by piece over a very long time.
Her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers.
And gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone.
