Being Happily Alone

It seems today, there is something wrong if you're alone or if you choose to be alone, not in the term of being lonely but just enough to feel solitary. We praise those that know how to handle themselves in a crowd, people with vast network of friends. Yes, the extroverts. We think that working in groups and on teams is the only way to find the answer to a problem and that two heads are better than one.

I don't feel that way. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me when I don't feel like going to parties or working on big teams or being the center of attention. And oh, brainstorming, I hate those sessions like I wanna just go home and die. I also see my friends wondering what is wrong with me when I want to stay in. I see them collaborating on projects together, I also see them being so alive when they have brainstorm sessions and wonder if there's something wrong with me because I prefer to shut my mouth and prefer to work alone. All I can take at least some solace in knowing that I'm not alone and I'm not the only one who feels the way I feel.

I've been writing a lot about my own self being an introvert in this blog and being an introvert doesn't mean I don't enjoy going out or having friends or being the center of attention once in a while.

It means that is not where I get the most value from my life. 

If I'm going to work on a team, don't ask me to brainstorm with you as I won't come up with anything useful *grin. Maybe you can leave me alone to think awhile and you might be surprised at what I can accomplish.

Well, that are things that I'm still struggling on these days. I live in a bunch of extroverts and I don't know yet how to stay alive in this situation :| They suck up my energy and I feel so drained. People might think that I'm anti social, I'm not. I just gain my strength and value close relationships.

Good day, everyone.

Like they say..
"There is great value in being alone. And handling it well is a beautiful thing."

That Bad Feeling

That bad feeling after you told your personal stories to others. Some kind like you're drained with foggy things.

I feel like I never tell anyone about my story again. I feel exhausted.

Come On, People!

While I strongly think of myself as an introvert I kinda wish that any social media would get its collective head out of its ass with regards to the introvert or extrovert thing like.

Extroverts aren't invariably dumb obnoxious party animals.

And introverts aren't invariably wise and gentle souls battered by the cruelties of life.

Come on.

Communication Gone Bad

You can experience it anytime, anywhere, with anyone.

Being defensive. This is when you perceive what the other person is saying as a real threat and you try to argue back their points. In reality, the other person is not trying to attack you. Instead of being defensive, try to see how their point is constructive for you and ask them clarifying questions like "How do you mean by that? What's your point?" You might be surprised that they have meant something else and you have over-reacted for no reason.

Stone walling. This is when you put up a wall and pretty much block out everything the other person says. Example of stone walling is when somebody tries to lecture you and you have the attitude of "Whatever, I don't care, I'm not listening, etc." This could be bad in communication especially in relationships when the other person has something important to say. Eventually, not addressing the issue at hand could lead to a fail relationship. Instead of stone walling, try your hardest to show that you're listening by making gentle eye contact, getting the other person to calm down, sit down and talk things through.

Being Sarcastic. There’s a time and place for this, but when you are sarcastic it sends off the message that what the other person say is not taken seriously. Furthermore, if the other person is expecting a straightforward and honest answer, and you try to be sarcastic, the other person may feel blocked out. Instead of being sarcastic, you could say exactly what the other person wants to hear. 

Using humor. This is similar to the problems with being sarcastic. There’s a time and place for humor, but certain situations require you be sensitive and tactful. 

Not showing that you’re listening through your body language. You may be listening, but sometimes you don’t really pay attention to your body language. Your body language has to communicate that you’re listening too. For example, making eye contact, facing the other person directly, leaning forward towards the person, open body posture (not crossing arms etc). 

Not being entirely honest. This is when you try to be deceitful, give half truths, or leave out important information. If you’re talking to someone, the main thing a person looks for a genuineness. Genuineness is develop when you have nothing to hide. Certainly, we can’t be genuine in all our relationships, but if you truly respect the other person, you should try being vulnerable for once. Talk about your insecurities, what’s important to you, your values etc. 

Small Talk. I don’t know about you guys, but I personally feel small talk is so uncomfortable because everything is so superficial. Both sides are using trying to be friendly, pretending and trying to conceal something. If you’re good at this, then good for you, but for some people, this is really a turn off. Unless you’re an easy going person then maybe this doesn’t really apply to you. 

Being Too Serious. Opposite of using humor or sarcasm inappropriately is when you can’t keep the conversation light hearted. There are times when it’s really uncomfortable talking about serious or personal issues and it’s better to add a little humor to lighten the air. You have to be dynamic. 

Being Paranoid. This is when you assume that the other person has ill-intention and you become very biased in processing everything they say. For example, you hear from a friend that this person is not a good person and when you talk to them, you are already trying to look for those faults. Maybe there’s some truth in your friend’s warning, but if you never met this person, keep a benefit of doubt first. 

Source: here.

Nurture Good Mental Health

As you are growing by time, you will somehow collect all the good values from people you have met or even you are getting with right now. Those people with good quality of characteristics influence you more or less and create you into a better person. Below are 10 signs that you have a good mental health. I got all the references from my reading through months a year back then. So, I just try to sum it up.

1. Feeling good about yourself, accepting that we have both strength and weaknesses. Thus, we need to understand that change takes time and is a process.
2. Being able to manage your emotions so that you don't feel overwhelmed or controlled by feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, hatred, love, jealousy, etc. If someone talks crappy things to you, you are not easily hooked, just leave the conversation, change the topic and you are saved.
3. Being able to form and enjoy stable, lasting and satisfying relationships.
4. Feeling comfortable, and at ease, around other people. 
5. Not taking life too seriously, being able to laugh at yourself and others.
6. Respecting yourself, your beliefs, values, viewpoints, choices, decisions, and actions. Not enough, you need to respect others and their right to think, choose, decide and act for themselves. 
7. Being able to accept and cope with life's disappointments. 
8. Being able to cope with life's demands, and effectively manage the problem we encounter.
9. Being able to think for yourself, and to arrive at your own decisions. 
10. Being able to influence and shape the world around us. So our contributions makes a positive difference. Also, being able to adapt and compromise when this is healthy and appropriate. 

Hope it is useful. I also get a lot of things to learn.

Overcome Your Fear of Social Situations

Hi,

In certain ways, I have a fear of particular social situations that I better pull my blanket up and stay there. However, I said it to myself that it is not good at all to my self (regardless it is introverted or not). These are what I do to overcome my fear of social situations.

Force myself to go out at least once or twice a week. I did it. I go to campus and that's enough. It is just to help me to cope with my anxiety, ask a friend to do something with you, or go to an event where I know few people but not too crowded. The idea is to gradually stretch myself so that, eventually, I will be able to go to new things, and not feel terrified of meeting people I have never met before.

Pay attention to my appearance. When we feel good or at least comfortable with the way we look, we feel less anxious and more confident.

Find out what other people talking about such as popular movies, TV series, TV shows, sports, etc and read up on them. For example, you could google for the latest scores, headlines news and gossip on the stars.

When I am at social events watch to see how other people behave. I can learn a lot from closely observing, listening to, and then copying others.

So far, these all I can possibly do to cope with my fear of social situations. If you feel you can't cope with it, find a counselor to address the underlying fears that are behind your social anxiety. It is not a sin. It is good for your personal development :)

My Ways to Have a Good Day!

As you may have been aware of that I am one of those introvert people alive in this extrovert life. I have my own deals to make myself feel better from tiredness or boredom. And I am sure that you have other ways to make yourself feel better through the rollercoaster life. Below are what I usually do recently to simply think that everything is just superfine. 

1. Make a playlist of all my favorite songs, old ones I may have totally forgotten but bring back good memories.
2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings. 
3. Organise my drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.
4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or so. Eat something pretty! Cupcakes, anything!
5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.
6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored oil paintings for just such an occasion. It's relaxing and fun.
7. Call my boyfriend, chat with him, laugh with him, meet him! And simply he said that he loves me just make my day.
8. Get some tattoos. I plan to have one after I graduate this May :P 
9. Re-read your favourite book. Highlight the passages that make I love it so much so I'll never forget them.
10. Start watching some quality shows/programming to remind yourself life is worth living and people still make good stuff.
11. Read everything you can find about your favourite things (fashion, sports, music, etc). 
12. Being around cuties and fluffiest animal (I choose dogs for some reasons) will brighten my mood.
13. Write my friends a really nice email. Just an out-of-the-blue "thanks for being so great!" email.
14. Express my love to my boyfriend by saying sweet things and make him feel so loved. 
15. Do some yoga poses :P and breathe slowly.
16. Go on Youtube and watch all the "fail" videos. Being you isn't so bad. Funny though.
17. Futz around with your hair. Add some color or see what it would look like curly or in a beehive.
18. Do your make up and dress nicely. 
19. Eat fruit. Fruit has sugars that can lift my mood. Pineapple and blueberries? Make a smoothie.
20. Write in my journal, go back and read old entries. Remembered all that stuff I cared about. 
21. Smile. Even if you don't feel like it, fake it, sometimes moving the muscles in our face activates chemicals in our brains to lift our moods. Smiling when you don't want to can actually help you feel better.
22. Do your hobbies. Mine are dealing with handicraft, playing piano, reading some good books!

Good day, all.

Be Open

One culture should not define what another culture is or stands for. Neither judge according to their standards. Listen to what those that are different to you have to say. Internalise and accept, or not. But don't mold it according to what your brain can handle.

Shyness

They used to call me the shy girl. Sometimes, it is irritating but heck what can I do. At least I have heard that I am shy from people around me even strangers for almost 20 years. The creepy thing is, they even made me believe that I was a shy person and that was some kind of my negative personality. I never thought that they were right because I believe in myself even I was quiet, I am capable on doing something but that audacious question "why are you so shy?" always seemed so..

hmm..

as if there was something wrong with me needed fixing.

Little I know, I let myself believe that I was a boring loser who nobody liked. I let these labels seep into my identity because they thought shyness and quietness were weird and pitiful. I never felt comfortable each day. That was sad.

As years passed by, I gradually became a much more self-assured person. I learned that nothing was wrong with me and they were acting out of insecurity. By putting the target on me, they were making themselves feel safe from ridicule. As someone said that to stay away from negative people, once I was away from them and just hang out with my closest friends since kindergarten, I learned to respect myself, to be confident, and to never let anyone walk over me like that again. I didn't allow others to put me down anymore. I distance myself from people like that and focused on the people who truly loved and accepted me.

That is why I only have less than 10 best(est) friends that I consider in my first layer of friendship.

Then I started to work after I graduated. My mind was full of fear of failure, fear of giving up. I felt like there were many things I would never be able to do because I was shy. I read a lot of psychology books and personal development about introverts and I was amazed there is a lot of introverts out there with that kind of bravery which I only think only the extroverts could have.

Anyway reading a lot of books really helps. I began to feel excited about my life, by the prospects of change and self improvement. Every time I could, I would set numerous goals in short terms. I wrote a lot of notes related to introverts. I wasn't doing it just for me, I wanted to do it for anyone who had ever been labeled "shy". I want to educate people about shyness and show how simple tasks can be obstacles for a shy person. I wanted to express how it felt to be looked down upon for being shy, and how labeling and jokes have a much more painful effect than most people realise.

I started to talk more and more to strangers, to reconnect with friends, to participate in class, to dress confidently and smart, to allow myself to be vulnerable yet strong, and to give public speeches, to present more and more. I opened up my once private life and disclosed the very thing I once purposefully never talked about, my feelings of shyness.

I doubted myself a lot in the beginning and it was really hard to leave my comfort zone and start to talk to strangers. It turns out that my ability to give speeches and do things I fear has changed how I view myself. I have realised that a lot of my natural quietness has been mistaken for social inhibition. People called me socially ill.

...

In truth, sometimes, I just prefer to listen and take in more information than talk, and to be in small groups rather large ones. I do feel shy in certain situations, but overall those feelings aren't central to my identity. I control it that way.

However, I love how my introversion has allowed me to have strong empathy, to be deep thinker, and to genuinely connect with others, not just for the sake sweet talks. Introverts are valuable assets to society, whether or not they find themselves feeling shy in some situations like me or not at all.

Every action I have taken to expand my comfort zone has helped me grow as a person. I realise that I am capable of anything I set my mind to. I have also become aware of the positives of being more inwardly focused and have learned to accept my own self as they way it is.

When we feel like something is holding us back to live the way we want it to the fullest, it is very important that we identify things that are limiting us orelse we will continue to feel powerless and overwhelmed. Through mindfulness and passion for the change we seek, however, we can begin to take back control of our lives, and to start living the life we have always wanted.

:)

Thing Beyond Sex: Mental Telepathy In Love Relationship

As you may have been aware, I am very interested in everything related to self-development, personal relationship with others, human behaviour and so forth. It comes to a huge interest in the topic related to telepathy between one to another. If we talk about telepathic between mother and daughter/son, it sounds logically correct but how about lovers? They are two different people, they have been raised in two different families, different environment, different point of view, you name it.

Today's experiences of mine just gave me an insight that we are all ridiculously telepathic into someone. I am always asking the tips for learning telepathy because I have a... quite excellent telepathy with my Mom. I know if there is something wrong happened, I just know. Somehow I know when people lie to me or the reasons behind their attitude. I just.. always know. I told this to my Mom years ago about this kind of connection. She believes that it is a talent and somekind of a sixth sense.

However, I believe it is too much to be called a "sixth sense". I think.. it is more really about remembering how to tap into our inner sense. It really takes an incredible amount of effort to deny we are all intuitive as well and as often as we do. We need to sharpen this skills.

Nowhere is telepathic evidence better proven than in a close love relationship, they say. Personally, I have found this to be a mixed blessing.

For example, how often during a disagreement one of us has said, "You say....., but I know that what you really mean is.......". or...

"I am about to say it!!! Apparently we have the same thoughts!"

We are convinced that we know the inner mind and heart of our loved one. I am not disputing that we may indeed know the true intentions of what our loved one is thinking. There are a couple ways that can lead us down the wrong path however.

It can happen that we are using mental telepathy reading our loved one's subconscious or unconscious thoughts. This happens on an uncanny number of occasions. Although the concept may "ring a bell" for our partner when we verbalise it, there may be plenty of room for denial on their part. I believe it is quite natural and legitimate, since until it is true for the person themselves, it simply is not true. This can be a hard lesson for two people to aware of each other's words or thoughts, as they may be trying very hard to practice validation of their perceptions.

One must remember though, that validation of one's ego is not the apparent purpose of a spiritual gift. Instead, we have more often seen that the purpose is to benefit others. Rarely, is it workable or beneficial to override someone's inner reality by asserting the correctness of our own. We certainly may suggest that our alternate perception be considered, but to assert that "this is so" is a type of violence on another's reality.

As emotional beings, we cannot help but to have our perceptions filtered through what we are feeling. This doesn't mean that our perceptions are invalid, but it may indicate that we can misinterpret what we are perceiving. One neglects this possibility at their own peril in interpersonal relationship. Particularly if we are in the grip of a "negative" emotions, i.e., anger, fear, grief or apathy, we are unlikely to have a truly accurate interpretation of any impressions we pick up from another. This is because these self-destructive emotions cloud thoughts(!) and of course telepathy is a function of mind.

What then, is the advantage of mental telepathy in relationship? Actually, based on my personal opinion, it means we are truly one in spirit. As spiritual beings, we are inescapably connected to one another. This is part of the omnipotence of spirit. If it is everywhere, then we must, necessarily be a part of it, and therefore, of each other.

As we are able to accept this truth, to allow ourselves to hear, to open our heart to someone, see and otherwise be aware of the unseen connections between each of us, these perceptions sharpen.

Particularly as we permit ourselves to know that each connection is that of love, the accuracy of our perceptions is enhanced.

It seems that as we elevate ourselves to a more spiritual awareness, pessimistic thinking tends to be riddled with inaccuracies. Optimism however, will far more often tend to be highly accurate, and will hold up to deeper scrutiny.


Therefore when we are believing in our loved one. I repeat, believing in our loved one, having faith in their love and goodness, our spiritual perceptions of them will likely be correct. Even if we are perceiving a "wrongness" of some sort, our faith and love will often present a solution at the same time that we become aware of the problem. This is one of those synchronistic things that we encounter so often on the spiritual path.

As close words, using your mental telepathy consciously can develop over time. Love is what makes it safe to open ourselves to be heard on the inner levels and to reach out to another to listen to what is in their hearts.

Believe your partner, it sharpens and strengthens everything.

PS: I did my reading from circle of light. Thanks!

Believe Better Things

I know all I need is coffee shop, sunsets and road trips.

Airplanes, passport, new songs and old songs, but I need people more than anything else.

I will need my other-half and I will need to be "the other-half" to someone else,

a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things in life.

I need to settle down in one fine place.

She Chose

Thus, Ivy walked down into the aisle and cried. Been trying to solve all of the puzzles in her mind and she began to think.

It is not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What is hard, my dear, she said, is figuring out what you are willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.

Good Start in 2013

Hi everyone,

I hope your 2013 is off to a very good start. What I want to cover today is about self-kindness. It is very close to my heart because it means a lot for me. By being kinder towards myself I have become happier, more effective and motivated and it has helped me to become kinder and better in my relationships with others.

People prone to feel no good about themselves, if you think that your self-esteem is a bit low or you beat yourself up regularly when making a mistake then you still have a chance to not to do so.

There are certain habits that you can follow within yourself to become more self-reliant and stronger through life's ups and downs.

Change your input to the things that are kind and constructive. 

Destructive messages from the people around you or from media, advertising and society does not help you to be kind to yourself. For example, you are not accepting yourself as a sexy tanned girl because you believe white represents beauty or maybe you think that "fat" is somehow a crime because being skinny is gorgeous, men like it. Wrong, period.

You can change your habit by focusing on relationships to our friends or others. It could be encouragement to your friends and family or helping someone close who has been in a misfortune situation. It could be a practical development books and blog-walking that help you out with real solutions to the challenges you face and goals to achieve. You may learn a lot from others. There are so many kind people out there. It also could be spending more time in nature and in silence to relax and recharge yourself.

Give yourself a break.

Sometimes we always want to be win towards everything. That may sound inspirational yet so Spartan in theory. But reality is not ideal or perfect and neither are you and I. Life gets in the way sometimes. You may get in your way and sometimes you simply don't have the energy to do something.

It's okay.

Instead of trying to live up to some perfect image that other people may press upon you, choose to set human standards for yourself. Gods' works are theirs, we have our own.

Choose to give yourself a break when things don't go as you may have wished and choose to cut yourself some slack. Instead of beating yourself mercilessly.

At least these two points help me the most. I hope they will do it on you.

Cheers!

You Were Kinda Cute, 2012

2012 went by entirely too quickly. I know it's already January 7, but I am just connected with a speedy internet connection to spill everything out of my mind.

2012, I have explored. I went out. I don't hate to be introvert but getting a life is cooler rather than praising my ego. So, let us see what happened for the past year.

My loveliest Grandma passed away and it still left a huge hole in my heart. I got a scholarship and started my master degree in Singapore, which is absolutely nuts on so many levels. Never did I think I'd make it this far but I made it in first semester *yay.

I made up for all the good decisions I spent many years making and finally let it go. I slowly but surely became that girl who has been miserable. Hard. I forgot how excruciatingly terrible those feelings can feel. I can't imagine being treated that way for even a few seconds longer after 2011. I moved on.

I turned to be 25. I made some really startling decisions about life and am quite likely NOT to regret them days after. I was more positive and I like it. I learnt how to let go and made mistakes and stopped thinking so damn much. I learnt how to relax. I stopped stressing and caring about the things that don't matter.

I devoted more time to myself, my friends, my family and my hobbies. I worked my ass off a little more than usual when it comes to school.

I moved on and breathe. I am much, much, much better me.

Lots of job opportunities. Rock on my GPA. I grew up a lot. I met many new friends. I conquered one of my hardest semester. I stumbled through a few awkward dates.

Feel less weighed down, undoubtedly solved some of the problems. I feel as if I am in a kind of renaissance through the next cycle.

It ended up with a good thing. I finally met someone in the end of this year. I am happy. This past months really allowed us to bond immensely. So thankful for great friends, family, and these 2012 moments.

I still have a whole lot of people to meet. I have lots of places to go. I have many things to be and things to do.

I surely spend my a half of year to finish my graduate school. We will see what life offers me for another six months. My next goals are to sharpen my skills because it is always a good thing when we are expert on something. Perseverance, to achieve my life goals, and last but not least to balance my professional life and personal dreams with him.

Live light and be light :)

Gratitude

It is almost the end of this year 2012. Nothing I want to say but words full of gratitude for being happy and strong.

I remarkably survive from 2011's nightmares. I showed it to the world this year.

Happiness is an attitude :)

Conversation With God

"Thank You for being with me, for talking to me about my heart. I haven't really talked about that with anyone. It just felt so terrifying. It doesn't seem to hold the same power now," Ivy prayed.

"The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets," Jesus explained. "The truth is they are more shadow than reality, so they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places where they live inside you, you start to see them for what they are."

"But why do we keep all that crap inside?" Ivy asked.

"Because we believe it's safer there. And, sometimes, when you're kid trying to survive, it really is safer there. Then you grow up on the outside, but on the inside you're still that kid in the dark cave surrounded by monsters and out of habit you keep adding to your collection.

Collecting tears. Collecting sadness," Jesus replied.

"Remember, you can't do it alone. Some folks try with all kinds of coping mental games. But the monsters are still there, just waiting for the chance to come out."

"So, what do I do now?" asked Ivy.

"What you're already doing, learning to live loved. It's not an easy concept. You have a hard time sharing anything so far." He chuckled and continued, "So, yes, our friendship is real, Ivy. Not merely imagine. We're meant to experience this life, your life, together, in a dialogue, sharing the journey. You get to share in our wisdom and learn to love with our love, and we get... to hear your grumble and gripe and complain and...."

Ivy laughed out loud and pushed Jesus sideways in her prayer.

Ivy didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She realised how much she had come to love this man, this man who was also God.

"Don't think we didn't try. Have you noticed that in your pain you assume the worst of me? I've been talking to you for a long time, but today was the first you could hear it. I am more than happy to see you happy. You don't need to have it all figured out. Just be with Me."

It Was Gone

As Ivy made her way down near the lake, she suddenly realised that something was missing. Her constant companion, her sadness, was gone. It was as if it had been washed away in the mists of the rain. Its absence felt odd, perhaps even uncomfortable. For the past years it had defined for her what was normal, but now, unexpectedly, it had vanished. It feels good.

Normal is a myth.

The sadness would not be the part of her identity any longer.

With each sob she felt the tension drain away, replaced by a deep sense of relief. Finally, she took a deep breath and blew it out as she lifted her head and smiled.

Him.

"Those details and cracks, you're different and that sparkles.. oh, I feel you have a heart though you're not alive," Ivy talked to no one but her musical box. She leaned forward as if to share a secret, "To reveal myself to you as it is ....," She stopped and smiled.

She again picked up the musical box, "Are you belong to someone?"

"Who cares, that's enough, just to be here...," She continued. "I want to heal the wound that has grown inside me, I am happy I am not alone, even you're only a musical box."

To gain some control, she turned her eyes toward the floor. It was a full minute before she had enough to whisper without looking up, "I think I'd like that." She admitted but she doesn't know how.

And he touched her shoulders, kissed her neck. He said, "Honey, there is no easy answer that will take your pain away. Believe me, if I had one, I'd use it now. I have no magic wand to wave over you and make it all better. But, you are with me now, you can't always talk to the musical box, but you have me. Life takes a bit time and a lot of relationships."

She looked at him. For the first time after months, she looked into someone's eyes.

Created To Fly

Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around.

We are created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.

Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something God wants for you.

Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if it's left unresolved for a very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place.

PS: I dedicated this post to my best friend who messaged me in the middle of the night two days ago. Peace be with you.

Oh Dear Ivy

Ivy was not sure about a lot of things, but at some time in her heart and mind during the days following her tiff with the icy driveway, she became convinced that there were three plausible explanations for this condition. It was either from God, an absurd as that sounded; a cruel joke; or something more sinister from heartless people. Regardless, the pain dominated her thoughts every waking minute and her dreams at night.

Secretly, she began to make plans to travel to other hut the following months, year. At first she told no one, not even her parents. She had no reasonable defense in any exchange that would result after such a disclosure, and she was afraid that she might get locked up and the key thrown away. Anyway, she rationalised such a conversation would only bring more pain with no resolution. "I am keeping it to myself for the sake of everyone's happiness," she told herself. Besides, acknowledging the pain would mean admitting that she had kept secrets from her, secrets she still justified in her own mind, her pain. Sometimes honesty can be incredibly messy.

Convinced the rightness of her impeding journey, she began to open her heart again. She has been toying with the idea of becoming less painful again. So, she found this musical box in her journey of pain. That was not the thing she had anticipated, and she gave it a quizzical look. She thinks it is a great idea, but at first, she thinks she can survive alone for a couple more years, despite she has a lot to do anyway. She shrugged it off, perhaps grateful the path for her to find the musical box. She can throw anything in it while the musical box always gives her its favorite songs. She is not alone anymore.

And the story may begin.